I love that you are putting the story back out at this time. In the past 3 weeks I've gone back and re read "In the Time of Man". I enjoyed it the first time but I'm not sure what drew me back to it since I don't typically re read books. The second time around I appreciated it on many levels. Of course knowing that it was written and read the first time way before the pandemic added a bit of wonder but the story and how you ended it rang particularly true. Since we had worked together I expected you to get the media part dead on but the thoughtfulness of the plot and the engaging characters were such a treat. I hope you keep writing in this direction as well as your political focus!
I’m fascinated by this topic and want to know what will happen, and I love the physical description of Elliot (not everyone can be Harrison Ford, after all).
But I think starting at para 4 will create a more gripping opening, and condensing or spreading out the research, and maybe using less formal language (“not a lot of time” vs “a limited amount of time,” for example) will convey more of the urgency a glowing rock would inspire. Details of the cool stuff, like what the elongated gourds looked like (because they seem like a mysterious thing) would be useful, too. There’s an “article” quality to this that, while educational, may not appeal to the mass-er market (which is where peppering the tribe’s knowledge of planets and orbits, etc., throughout, or condensing, could help energize the opening chapter - and all of it may not be needed, anyway, if all we need to know is that they know more than any tribe possibly could on its own).
These are great observations, Kris. The rationale behind the detail is that I was concerned about the reader thinking, "Meh, another UFO book." I figured if I could give them enough history and detail in the first chapter, they might be more inclined to give it a shot. I could be wrong, and frequently am, but that's why it's there. I was accused of being way too "science-y" in my eye book, but I think knowledge of subject matter equals credibility. The only question here, which you rightly raised, is whether it is too much.
I think it’s only too much of it all at once. The key parts simplified for “wow” effect would still have the same impact, I think, while moving things excitingly forward. The contrast between so-called simple civilizations and their uncanny knowledge is intriguing, and the facts are also really interesting. But K.I.S.S.
This is always my literary crime. I still write like a documentarian and reporter, and not enough of a story teller. I appreciate you pointing it out, and will consider the suggested changes.
I love that you are putting the story back out at this time. In the past 3 weeks I've gone back and re read "In the Time of Man". I enjoyed it the first time but I'm not sure what drew me back to it since I don't typically re read books. The second time around I appreciated it on many levels. Of course knowing that it was written and read the first time way before the pandemic added a bit of wonder but the story and how you ended it rang particularly true. Since we had worked together I expected you to get the media part dead on but the thoughtfulness of the plot and the engaging characters were such a treat. I hope you keep writing in this direction as well as your political focus!
I’m fascinated by this topic and want to know what will happen, and I love the physical description of Elliot (not everyone can be Harrison Ford, after all).
But I think starting at para 4 will create a more gripping opening, and condensing or spreading out the research, and maybe using less formal language (“not a lot of time” vs “a limited amount of time,” for example) will convey more of the urgency a glowing rock would inspire. Details of the cool stuff, like what the elongated gourds looked like (because they seem like a mysterious thing) would be useful, too. There’s an “article” quality to this that, while educational, may not appeal to the mass-er market (which is where peppering the tribe’s knowledge of planets and orbits, etc., throughout, or condensing, could help energize the opening chapter - and all of it may not be needed, anyway, if all we need to know is that they know more than any tribe possibly could on its own).
These are great observations, Kris. The rationale behind the detail is that I was concerned about the reader thinking, "Meh, another UFO book." I figured if I could give them enough history and detail in the first chapter, they might be more inclined to give it a shot. I could be wrong, and frequently am, but that's why it's there. I was accused of being way too "science-y" in my eye book, but I think knowledge of subject matter equals credibility. The only question here, which you rightly raised, is whether it is too much.
I think it’s only too much of it all at once. The key parts simplified for “wow” effect would still have the same impact, I think, while moving things excitingly forward. The contrast between so-called simple civilizations and their uncanny knowledge is intriguing, and the facts are also really interesting. But K.I.S.S.
This is always my literary crime. I still write like a documentarian and reporter, and not enough of a story teller. I appreciate you pointing it out, and will consider the suggested changes.